Giving Thanks ?

As the Holiday season makes it's debut, I wonder what life would be like if you were here.
It's hard for me to imagine you as an 11 year old, when last I saw you...you were a beautiful fragile 14 hour old infant.

I find it almost easier to face the Holidays this year, maybe that's because I trully believe that there is a little bit of you in your Brother.

In years past the holidays always ushered in feelings of dread, of sadness and jealousy. Dreading those family get togethers which you weren't a part of, sadness that it seemed I was the only one who remembered you weren't there and jealous of those who had thier children with them. I remember walking through the stores and fighting the urge to break down and sob there in the middle of the aisle. I remember thinking that I should be buying christmas gifts for my child, NOT mourning him. As the years passed the holidays became less painful and a little bit more bearable, Only because I was able to carry your memory with me. Only in recent years have I been able to speak of you with a smile and not tears and for that I am thankful. I know you wouldn't want to be remembered in sadness, I want your strength and beauty to be remembered with a smile.

So Today my Love, I am thankful for you, for the gift god gave me of being your mother . I am thankful for the ability to feel your spirit with me, for being able to see a little bit of you in your brother's eyes and for knowing that someday when my work is done here, I will see you and hold you once again in Heaven.

*^j^ Stacey ^j^*